Forgetting...

 Well, this one isn't a fashion post. Just a rambling of my life.

If you know me well at all, you may know that about 5 months ago I was dating a different guy than I am now. And you know that it ended BAD. Like nasty terrible bad. Worst end to a relationship ever. At least I feel that I can still be friends with my other exes. If you're a friend, then you've heard me talk about this relationship A LOT. So here's what happened:

I dated this guy for 8 months. Things were great. We had hit that rough spot that people seem to hit around 6-8 months. Everyone does. I've learned this. It didn't seem like much to me. We always said that we'd talk things out. This guy was The One...or so I thought. I knew the "we'll always talk it out" thing was way too good to be true. And it was. He ended up dragging out the breakup for like 2 weeks. We got together on a Monday to talk face to face after several late night crying sessions on the phone. He had brought to my attention that he wanted to join the Navy. I had told him before that I didn't want him in the service because I would worry way too much. So sitting there on the park bench in Judson I told him that I'd support him. I just wanted to stay with him. And then we preceded to talk about how that would work out in the future, and we were back to normal. We were laughing and kissing and just being ourselves again. It was great...but he had lied to me. That wasn't what the problem was. So after this emotional roller coaster I decided to be a terrible person and break up with him through text the day of his graduation...but he asked me to come as a friend. So I went with a few friends. I found his parents and asked them to help and talk to him about what is going on. They said they'd try. His parents absolutely adored me and still do. I found him later after the ceremony and gave him a hug and a kiss and told him congrats. And he just really brushed me off even though he told me that he really wanted me to come. I was so confused. That was on Friday. So the next day I went to his house to bring all of his stuff back to him. I sat outside with him for over an hour crying in the grass and asking him what happened. All he could tell me was that he lost his feelings for me and he didn't know why. So in comes this factor of the story...this girl that he went to school with had obviously been flirting with him via Facebook. I chose to ignore it because he told me that I was too jealous. Plus, he had always told me that this girl was a "fat, nasty, whore". His words exactly. He had even said that a few times. I asked him several times about them, but he swore up and down that nothing was going on between them. The last thing I said to him before I left his house was "if you think the grass is greener on the other side, it's not. It's really really not."

Of course that night he went to the drive-in with this "fat, nasty, whore". And then on Sunday they were Facebook official. Even now he claims he didn't cheat and I believe that, but I do feel like he used me to make her jealous. And here we are today. They've been dating for 4 months and they're both freshmen in college and they're now engaged. Mind you I was this kid's first relationship ever. I was his first kiss too. And he's marrying this girl that he called a "fat, nasty, whore" and only his second girlfriend ever? After everything I have heard about her from other people from their school and graduating class...I can see why he left: sex. It's as simple as that. He felt left out for being an 18 year old virgin. Well here I am, an 18 year old virgin and I don't mind it. But let me tell you something, sex really changed that boy. Or at least this fiance of his did. He's a totaly different person now. He threatened that he was going to put his mom in a home if she ever talked to me. When he was with me, he was a mommy's boy. Well, just last week both his parents came to my spellbowl competition and proceeded to tell me how much they hate his fiance and neither of them are in a home...yet.

This relationship has been haunting me. And it has been the hardest to forget. Anytime I went somewhere it seemed to have memories attached to it. There were many times I'd just go home and cry...and even by then I was with my new boyfriend. It's taken me a while, but I think I'm finally starting to forget. I look back now and I see how bad he was for me. My current boyfriend, Calvin, has really helped me see this. I feel so different when I am with him than when I was with Matt. With Matt I was still very vulnerable and self conscious. With Calvin I'm a different person, but I didn't change into a jerk like Matt did. I'm a better person now. I'm a lot more confident now. I'm not worrying about whether I look fat or not when I'm with Calvin. He's really brought out the good in me, and I feel great. All of these realizations have really helped me finally forget about Matt. He didn't do anything good for me. I'm much better off with someone that makes me truly happy.

<3,

Felicia
PS..I took some pictures of my new black and purple dress, but my camera was taking weird pictures. I suppose I will post them anyways even if they aren't the greatest. That shall be my next post.(=